You Are Always Gonna Be A Wrestling Fan Part I

A proposed wrestling costume

I kind of gave up on wrestling (from here on out it will be called 'rasslin') years ago. There was a time where I even thought I was going to become a professional rassler. I even had my own gimmick picked out (was going to be called the Cobra Commander, due to a love for G.I. Joe, and my finishing move I used to put on my siblings when I wrapped my legs around their rip cage like an anaconda - hence the title the Anaconda Squeeze.) Yeah, you heard me, I wanted to become a professional rassler.

The wife and I as Mr and Mrs. Hogan

Flair was a master at promos

During my latter half years in high school, professional wrestling was in what I believe is now known as the third golden age of wrestling. The first age was in the black and white days on television, where they would actually post the results of matches in the newspaper. Well, that was until someone blabbed about how fake it was to the newspapers. The second age was what I grew up in, during the 80's when Hulkamania was running wild and down South (something I unfortunately didn't grew up with, the NWA showcased the likes of Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen). But the third age was probably the most economical. The Monday Night Wars where a wrestling fan would watch TNT at 8, switch to WWF at 9 and then go back and forth until the shows were over.

Hogan started it all for me

Like I said, I grew up in the 80's with wrestling. It was something that I started to stumble upon as a kid. I would watch my father watching it, who, he himself, was a life long wrestling fan up to that point. I would watch his head rise and crash as it followed the titans of the squared circle if they were body slammed or suplexed out of the ring. It is still actually quite entertaining and cute in a certain manner, to watch a grown man regress to such childlike qualities of bobbing his head all about watching something so fake as rasslers. So, I really had no idea on what was going on, so I would so innocently ask with my pre-existing comic book knowledge, "So who is the good guy?" As to which my father would reply without even glancing at me since he was so glued to the Saturday Night Main Event - "Oh, the guy in the red shorts." I inched in closer to my dad and plopped down on the couch "Oh that's cool, can I watch?" and the rest was history

"Oh would you stop Brain!"

It must have been Saturday Night Main Event, WWF on the old USA network or possibly some of those showings on NBC in the 80's, but I remember eventually getting a closer relationship with my father and watching rasslin. I believe when I first started watching, it must have been right around when I was in the second or third grade. Hulk Hogan just won back his belt from "Macho Man" Randy Savage at Wrestlemania V. I was instantly able to draw connections between wrestling and comic books. You had good guys, bad guys, silly storylines, weaknesses, banters back and forth and probably one of the most entertaining was the colored commentary by Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan that would lead you through a match, but I saw them as the captions in a comic book. I think this is shows how many comic fans enjoy wrestling, and why my buddy Dave used to claim that wrestling, comic books and metal are considered "the triple crown of sexiness."

"What's that smell?"

Andre was a crappy toy

Whenever I get into something new and nerdy - I need to know everything there is about it until I reach a point of excessive obsession. I went to the local video store and rented every video that I could get related to previous matches and pay per views. I was able to memorize the title changes of the heavyweight, intercontinental and tag team championship belts from the past ten years. I got a subscription to WWF magazine, cutting out pictures ( I even carried around a rather coveted Hulk Hogan folder that even showcased clippings of Suburban Commando and No Holds Barred from newspapers), collected all of the action figures (along with my sister Jackie and brother Joey who were also getting sucked into the wrestling hype) and our dad even scored us tickets to the Royal Rumble at the Pepsi arena in Albany - totally awesome.

Wrestlemania VI stand off

I was sucked into wrestling and absolutely loved it. Hell, I even watched the crappy wrestling on the weekends just to get my fix. But over time, I began to lose my faith. The first stab in the heart was when Hulk Hogan lost to the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI. I couldn't believe that "the immortal one" could be defeated. My world was crushed, but when I got older, I had heard it was the WWF's plan to get a new "main champion" and a way to give Hulk a break and hopefully some retirement for his terrible acting career. It didn't last long because the Ultimate Warrior sucks and can't hold an interview besides screaming, rambling and shaking the ropes.

Oooh the Mountie was so mean

Time went on and I assumed that wrestling was only meant for little kids. As I got older, it didn't seem to be as real anymore and even more gimmicky. Hogan got his ribs crushed by that fat guy Earthquake, but was still trying to focus on his acting career. In the mean time, they tried to plug the heroes of the 90's to pick up the Hulkster's slack. Shawn Michaels, Bret "the Hitman" Hart, The Undertaker, Yokozuna and yes, even the short lived Narcissist (Lex Luger). Wrestling lost it's edge and one of the last matches that I can remember watching and throwing in the towel was when The Mountie shocked Rowdy Piper with his tazer/cattle prod, only for Rowdy to reveal to the crowd he was wearing a rubber/foam suit under his shirt. OH THE RIDICULOUSNESS!

So I stopped watching, but it wasn't the end. Just like my Dad always said,
"you are always gonna be a wrestling fan...."

CONTINUE ON TO PART II here